That's the real question you want to be answered when you come to couples counseling. You want to know if there's hope for you and your partner. Not only do you want to see if it's possible, but you probably also want to know if it's worth it.
The bad news is, I can't give you that answer.
The good news is, I can help you and your partner find the answer for yourselves.
I can offer hope that things can get better in your relationship if you and your partner are willing to show up for each other and engage in the process! For example, suppose you can learn to interrupt your current process and see each other with new eyes. In that case, I have a lot of hope that couples therapy can save your relationship.
I can also tell you that I've seen many relationships come back from the edge of dissolution. I've seen couples not only heal deep relational wounds but come back even stronger.
What can couples therapy do that we can't do ourselves?
At this point, your interactions with your partner are probably so habitual that interactions can feel like dominoes toppling. For example, one of you may have a tone, the other reacts to that tone, there's a reaction to the reaction, and boom, you're in a fight with your partner, and you feel more disconnected than ever. You may end up here without even realizing how you got here. It's a pattern, and the two of you are stuck in it.
That's where a therapist can help. First, a therapist can see this pattern from the outside and track it for you, and then, we can help you see it for yourself. In addition, your therapist will understand your pattern. Next, they will see how BOTH you and your partner operate within this pattern. Finally, the real work begins! Your therapist will not only help you track your pattern and your role, but they will also help you to see your partner outside of this pattern. Likely being stuck in this distress has caused you to lose sight of your partner and maybe even yourself. Your therapist can help you both see with new eyes.
Don't let the fear of failure keep you from trying. If your relationship is in trouble, get help!
Sending love from Denver, CO